watch out, I'm about to lose it!!

I am feeling so overwhelmed.  I feel like I am gonna snap any minute.  I don't know if its the living arrangements I am now confined to, or this emotional roller coaster I have been riding lately.  I think I am hitting my low.  I have been riding this crazy high lately, and now, I think I have finally reached the point where the car has to plummet.  I am so disappointed in myself.  I am so devastated with my actions lately.  I have been so taken over by my hormones that I allowed myself to do something so incredibly stupid, and unfixable.

I lied to someone very important to me.  I was feeling shitty about our arrangement, and felt neglected.  I allowed myself to be used by the worst possible person in the world.  Then I freaked and didn't know how to act.  I forgot to erase my text messages and he saw them.  And now, not only am I a liar, but I am also a whore. 

I wish I wasn't so flawed and damaged.  I wish I knew how to love and be loved.  But, I don't. 

I wish I could fix this.  I wish I could fix me.  I wish I could rewind time. 

But I can't. 

I wish I could tell him how sorry I am.  But I can't. 

He's gone.