how can you mend a broken heart

This love is like a scab that wont heal.  I keep picking at it until it bleeds.  Then it scabs again.  Then I pick at it, and it bleeds. Over and over and over.  It never stops. 

I am so confused about all of it. 

I keep thinking it will stop, or it will get right.  It doesn't stop and it isn't right. 

I feel so empty.  So very empty. 

He doesn't see how much this rips me apart.  He doesn't care either.  As long as I never go away, everything is fine.  But, we can't actually be together.  I am just expected to wait. To be ready. 

I will never have a normal life.  A normal relationship.  A normal anything. 

I will end up alone.  I already am alone. 

I will die a lonely old woman who loved a man who would never love me back. 

And the only person I can blame is me. 

I allowed it. 

I sat by and let it happen. 

I waited. 

I lost.