I cant really remember the last time I felt anything. Like really felt something. Sex was always my way of feeling something, other than despair. Now I don't even want sex. I just want to die.
I wake up every day wondering why I keep waking up. I muddle thru every day, waiting for it to end.
I don't think anyone knows what I am going thru, nor do I think anyone really cares. I am not sure I care whether anyone cares, either.
Being in this house is draining all the life out of me. All the joy, all the desire, all the anything. Its just gone.
When I leave the house, I feel better. As the day progresses away from this place, its like I am revived. But then I pull in the driveway, and its all gone. My life is gone.
I feel like the minute I came back here, I killed myself. My body just continues to move around.
And now, I don't see any way of saving myself or the boy. I feel doomed. I feel trapped.
I feel dead.
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