Lately, I hate music. I hate the radio. I hate the cds I have. This is one week, I almost wish i was deaf. My emotions are getting the better of me, and its very irritating. I am one of those people that associates moments in my life with songs. I hate that. At the moment, most songs I hear are reminding me of the last few months of my life. How did I end up this emotionally twisted over someone I never meant to feel anything for??? I didn't mean to fall for him. I tried really hard not to. I just wanted a distraction from the suffocating, soul crushing heartbreak I went thru just a few months earlier. And he claimed to just want to be a distraction of sorts. Then he started talking of feelings, and love, and the future. And the sex was freaking incredible. I took the bait. He was so sweet and funny. He was adorable. He sang to me and made me listen to country music(gag). He told me I was beautiful and to not be so self-conscious of my body. He made me feel I WAS beautiful and desirable, and wanted and appreciated.
And now he's disappeared. Well, not really disappeared. He's been on facebook. But he's back with her I guess. He dropped me off the 25th after we spent the whole day together and had a really good time. At least I thought so. That was the last time I heard from him or saw his face. He must be done with me. He's never disappeared this long before. A few days, a week, maybe 2, but not this long. And not ignoring every thing I try to reach out to him. I suppose he realised I am too much for him. Emotionally. I suppose maybe, he just got bored. I am just tired of supposing, and guessing, and wondering. I quit. I deleted him from facebook. It was just too difficult to keep from stalking his page. I don't like feeling like a stalker. I'm too old for that shit.
I need a distraction. I need to close that chapter in my horrid book of love.
I hate love.
No comments:
Post a Comment