That is a very good question. My therapist asked me all the time who I was besides a mom. I had no idea. I still don't. Oh. Wait. I am a whore. And a crazy person. And an idiot. And alone.
I finally put my finger on why I am always SO DAMN EXHAUSTED at night. Because I spend all day pretending. Pretending to be happy. Pretending to be funny. Pretending to be smart. Pretending to be interesting. Pretending to know what I am doing. Pretending to be responsible. Pretending to not hate people. Pretending to not be scared to death of looking stupid in front of others. So, when I get home and no longer have to pretend, well, dammit, I am spent. And then I just crash. Like a plane with only one wing. I plummet straight to the ground. And the weekends??? Well, if I don't make it out of the house by noon, I am not leaving at all. Hell, I might not even change out of my pjs. Too hard. Its just too damn hard. seriously. Sometimes, I barely move at all from Friday night to Sunday night. Its scary and sad.
No comments:
Post a Comment